I think July 2014 may go down in my personal history as the busiest month of my entire life.
Today I sucked it.
One day I need to write down all of that busy-ness, but that day is not today.
Today is July 31st, and the date nearly escaped me.
Today has been hard.
I've been working this entire year on refining myself. Some days I rock it. Some days I suck it.
Today I sucked it.
Do you know someone who makes you feel small? Someone who makes you feel worthless? Someone whom you can never please? Someone close to you?
Someone who pushes your buttons and ruins your mood and your day and your commitment with one offhand comment?
I need to get it together and get to a place where none of this derails me. Where none of this bothers me. Where none of this touches me. Where none of this hurts me.
Do I resign to the negativity and pressure to explode? I shouldn't.
I did.
I'm sorry.
I'll try again.
And every time after that, for that matter.
This refining stuff isn't for sissies.
Good thing I'm not a quitter, because today may have been the final straw. If I were a quitter, that is.
Which I'm not.
Back at it tomorrow.
See you then.
needed this today.
ReplyDeletethanks, Jen!
Yes to all of those questions above. And I believe it's particularly hard when it's someone close to you who can do all those things/make you feel all of those things in a flash. I had made myself a promise to "be a grown-up" by the time I was forty. For me that meant to stop letting people hurt me so easily, or at least to stop caring about it so much. I didn't quite make that goal, but I have gotten a lot better. I'm almost 48 now, and my new goal is 50! It just might happen. Hang in there. Every day is a new chance.
ReplyDeleteHang on - hang in - even if it's just by a fingernail because tomorrow everything will be new again. You can do it.
ReplyDeleteBut what a wonderful opportunity it is to have relationships that affect us so greatly, for good or bad. The only people who can affect us in the manner you describe are those close to us. I can't help but believe that we are put in a family for the express purpose of exercising the single greatest principle of the gospel of Christ -- forgiveness. We all want it when we have committed a mistake or error, but can we extend it to those most close to us, that might have hurt us the most? We all make mistakes, we all are imperfect, we all respond to others differently, and they respond differently to us. The beauty of families is to daily provide us the opportunity to put in action, unconditionally, the single greatest gospel teaching that will help us maintain a remission of our own sins, and that is forgiveness. No one receives lasting forgiveness who is not capable of extending lasting, unconditional, forgiveness. Thank heaven for less than perfect families.
ReplyDeleteGood for you. Quitting is not an option because that is so NOT the Jenny Denton I've come to know here. But I don't need to tell YOU that...
ReplyDeleteYou're an exceptional woman. Remember that, and don't let anybody convince you otherwise...even for a day. Well, not even for five minutes, actually.
=)