And Now For a Small Shot of Reality Juice

My post from yesterday--so cheery and upbeat and happy and positive.

Tonight? Yeah.  Tonight.

Brad is in Idaho with Heidi's family, so the kids were alone for the night while I went to class. I came home to a messy house, kids watching TV, nothing done, and what did I do?  Did I sit and think and purposely act like I have tried to do for the past 31 days?

You'd be wrong if you said yes.

Wow. Did I lose it. And I'm not very proud of it, either.

Thirty minutes later, now that I've had a little time to cool off and the kids are in bed, I can see how I wish I'd reacted.

The three little kids were all in jammies and in bed, just like I'd asked. Why didn't I point that out to Lily?  Ben had just gotten home from rugby practice, so how could he have done his work yet?

Why didn't I just . . . 

Sometimes, being the mom is hard.  It's hard, because you're supposed to be the one that teaches everyone else how to behave.  It's hard, because sometimes you just don't behave that way, and your kids see it.  And you hurt their feelings.

Nothing ever gets better because you're angry.  No work gets done faster because you're yelling. No one goes to bed happy and cozy because you ordered them to their rooms.

The irony of it all?

This is the quote I wrote on our chalk board just yesterday.

Sometimes you just suck at being the parent.  Sometimes.  The key is to minimize the number of times you suck at it.  Right?

I wonder what time Dunkin Donuts opens--and if their forgiveness can be bought with a few maple long johns.

I'm going to bed now.