A Pinch to Grow an Inch Has Apparently Been Outlawed

1:42 pm and the phone rang.  I glanced at the caller ID and I recognized the elementary school's prefix.  School would be over in 33 minutes.  Which kid needed what before the last bell?

"Hello, Mrs. Denton.  This is Ms. M., the principal.  I've had little Micah here in my office for the last little while, and I wanted you to know what's been going on."

In the few seconds before her next breath, my mind flew from one thing to the next--What could it be?  Was Micah hurt?  Had he been in a fight?  What was it? I didn't have long to wait . . .

"Micah's class was lined up at the cafeteria door, waiting to practice their play, when Micah pinched a little girl in the line."

Are you completely serious, my mind flashed.  Really?  A pinch?  That's why he had been in the office all afternoon?  A PINCH?  Rational thought trumped my initial reaction of "So what's the big deal?" and instead I replied, "Oh."  How was that for a profound response?

"Micah told me another little boy told him to pinch the little girl, so we had a talk about doing things other kids tell us to do.  He is currently writing a note of apology to the little girl.  I know that he will come home and discuss these events with you and I know you will follow up with him."

Still, all my mind could ricochet around was the single word PINCH, bouncing from "This can't be really why he's in the office," to "Isn't there a vehicle careening towards unsuspecting kindergartners  that you need to stop?" to "You have to be kidding me!" to "How am I going to parent the rest of my kiddos if I can't pinch them on occasion?" to "SERIOUSLY?"

I responded with a mild, "Okay," and hung up the phone.

Then I started seething. SEETHING.

Thirty minutes later, Micah timidly opened the back door, slunk to my side, wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and started to cry. I asked him what had happened.  His side of the story:  a little boy pinched him and told him to pinch L, a girl Micah has known every day of his life.  So Micah pinched her.  Sounds like there was some kind of "pass the pinch" game going on, nothing malicious or out of the ordinary for second graders.  Both boys were sent to the principal, but the other boy was sent back to class after ten minutes or so because he denied pinching Micah at all, and since there were no witnesses, he was allowed to leave.  Micah, on the other hand, was required to stay with the principal for 75 minutes, and he was not allowed to return to his class.

Seventy-five minutes with the principal for a PINCH? A PINCH???  Not a punch, a pinch.  A pinch that left a red mark.  Ooh.  How devastating.

What made things even worse was that Micah didn't understand what he'd done that was so wrong.  (Neither do I, for that matter.)  I agree with the principal on writing notes of apology.  I've made my own kids write them for much worse offenses (like almost getting the neighbor's dog killed), and a note was fitting for the pinching offense.  But really?  Involve the principal about a PINCH?

I called his teacher and asked her perspective.  Miss H hadn't seen the incident, but she was responsible for Micah's trip to the big house.  She's young (26 and darling and the best teacher), so maybe she jumped to a quick decision, I don't know. She said she would talk to Micah tomorrow.  She has been fantastic with Micah all year, and I know she really loves him and will try to say the right things to help him feel better.

I then called the principal and left her a voicemail stating that the punishment extended to Micah was excessive and he came home upset with no clear lesson learned from his behavior. He was confused about why his punishment was many times worse than the little boy who actually LIED his way out. I concluded my message with "I'm sure L will have forgotten completely about the pinch before she even gets home from school.  Micah, however, won't be forgetting or understanding what happened for a while."

What did the principal discuss with Micah for 75 minutes?  HE'S SEVEN YEARS OLD.  SEVEN.  The longer I think about it the madder I get.  What did he learn?  You're punished more severely when you tell the truth?  Or punishment only occurs when there are witnesses? 

I better stop there before I get sent to the principal's office for exercising too much free speech.

What's your opinion of the Great Pinch Caper of 2012?  Great way to end a school year, don't you think?