Questions Answered

Thanks for all of your comments and questions on Friday's post. I was a little afraid that no one would respond--you know, "sandlot-baseball-and-last-one-picked" syndrome. And we survived the freezing cold--I got a babysitter for the three little kids, and it was actually refreshing to listen without herding monkeys the entire time.

Kids and work. Wow. I hate that subject. Gabe's question was this:
How do you keep you kids on task? I've tried charts, lists, etc...but unless I am nagging them 24/7 (something I am not good at) then their stuff doesn't get done...they just don't seem trainable, my children...

Funny things, children.  I happened to catch them doing this last night:  working.  And working together, no less. With no fighting or complaining. I had to snap pictures to preserve it for my sanity.  It DOES happen sometimes.  Rarely, but sometimes.

It seems like I’ve been parenting since the beginning of time, and because it’s been so long, I’ve tried many, many different systems of doing chores. Growing up, my mom always had a job chart, so of course I thought this was the only way to do chores.

When it was just Heidi and Tucker, I made two poster boards with personalized jobs (Heidi’s included no whining and Tucker’s included no biting—they were LITTLE) which I had laminated.  Then, every night before bed, we’d use a marker and check off each job that was done. If their total at the end of the week was a certain number, then we made a treat or bought one at the store.  It worked, until they got older.

When I had four kiddos to motivate, I made laminated, color-coded flip charts, held together with O-rings.  Each chore included a “quick-clean” and a “deep-clean” method. Most days were “quick-clean,” while Saturdays were always “deep.” To rotate chores, I just traded the name tag on the front.  This was a ton of work for me, but it worked, as long as I was the slave driver.  When I got tired of it (which was pretty quickly), they didn’t work very hard.

Brad’s mom was of the opposite school—kids do what I say and when I say it.  The more kids I had, the more often I resorted to this method.  I tried to keep it fair—if Ben had emptied the dishwasher yesterday, I’d ask Tucker to do it today, etc.  This method works great when kids all come and go at different times and have different abilities. We also added the “swarm of locusts” approach, usually spearheaded by Dad.  He gets all the kids together, and as one big group, they descend on one room at a time and clean quickly.  This works for him, but not so much for me.

Saturday always includes a job list, more in depth and required to be finished before playing or leaving.  Jobs are non-negotiable. And no allowance. You live here, you work here, you can eat here. Period.

Since the end of March, we’ve gone back to a chart system.  I divided every day into “before school”  “after school” and “after dinner.”  The chores mostly rotate, but some are always the same, like homework, room, and mudroom cubby.  We do charts on weekdays, then a list on Saturday, and swarm of locusts on Sunday.

That’s a lot of explanation, isn’t it?  And it doesn’t answer the question of “How do I keep them on task?” does it?  I think the answer is a bit complicated.  One way I keep them on task is to make sure the task fits the ability.  Hyrum’s job is always to empty the silverware from the dishwasher.  When you turn six (and they all know this), then you start emptying the whole dishwasher.  Micah clears and wipes the table every night, and Hyrum always pushes in the chairs and cleans the floor underneath.  If the jobs are bite-sized and they can succeed, it encourages them to try. Ben and Lily are suffering from lack of other older siblings, so their chores have gotten a little heavier.

I also discovered last summer (I'm a slow learner, obviously) that if I do a big task with them, they work better.  We cleaned out the fridge, organized the computer desk, organized the toys, etc., all together, with me showing them how to accomplish a satisfactory product. Then, when they have to do the job, they know better, because I showed them how. It was so good, when I have the time to do it.

I hate staying on top of them all the time.  Most of my kids are highly distractable, so I have to ride herd on them constantly.  I hate that.  It’s almost always easier for me to do the work myself and not involve them.  But I know it’s important to teach kids the value of work, so I always do a few things: 
Rarely do I finish a job for them.  If they leave for school or whatever and their job’s not done, it’s waiting for them when they get back, with an added job as consequence.  This inconveniences me frequently, since the kitchen won’t be fully clean all day while it waits for the kid to complete it.

 I also have small incentives—if the bedroom is clean four out of five school mornings, then you get a small treat on Friday.  This works with the three younger kids, but Ben’s cleanliness isn’t so easily bought.

Whenever possible, let them work within their own time constraints.  If they want to take all afternoon to clean the family room, let them.  They pay the price, not you.

That being said, I use the timer--a lot. It works.  And then I'm not the bad guy.

Does this mean that my house sparkles?  Au contraire.  Does this mean my monkeys are always cheerful and compliant?  I don’t think so.  But I have seen rewards as they’ve gotten older.  Even Ben in the last few months has developed an, “easier-to-not-complain-and-just-get-it-over-with” attitude.  That has rubbed off on the little ones. 

Does this mean that I’m not exhausted from slave-driving?  Sometimes I am.  Sometimes I can’t be bothered with it, and the house devolves into a pit of despair.  Then we’re all sorry.  So my answer?  Keep at it, change it up, don’t do their work for them.  As they get older, they’ll learn.

Long post.  Long answer.  Hope it answers the question.
What words of wisdom do you have to share?