Parenting the Grown-Ups

We spent the last few days in Utah. The first two days, it was just me and Brad. It was such a treat. No schedules. No plans. Just whatever we wanted to do, whenever we wanted to do it.
We spent Saturday and Sunday with our three grown kids—Tucker in Provo and Heidi and Sam drove down from Rexburg. It was enjoyable—hanging with the big kids, doing grown-up stuff, not having to worry about babysitters or kids’ schedules. Brad went to the final BYU basketball home game with the boys, while Heidi and I did a little baby shopping and talking. We had adult dinners at real restaurants with uninterrupted conversations and saw PG-13 movies.

This all led me to think about parenting grown kids, and how different it is from parenting the young ones still at home.  I’m still pretty new at this "parenting adults" game, but here are a few things I’ve learned in the two short years I’ve been here:

Let them live their lives with as little interference from home as possible. I love to hear what’s going on with them. I love to listen to their funny escapades with roommates and professors. I love to see how they’re growing and changing. But I’ve come to realize that I have no control over their choices or decisions. And when I try to intervene, it’s almost always resented. So I’m laying low.

Let them make their own mistakes. I see them weathering storms—bad grades or poor time management or exhaustion or discouragement. I can’t shelter them from it. I can only be the listening ear of encouragement and support. And I love it when those calls come, asking for my advice or just wanting to vent to their mom.

Let them call home when they have time. Tucker loves to talk to all of his siblings every Sunday, hearing what’s going on at home. Heidi and Sam took Micah’s Flat Stanley on adventures in Rexburg and sent home valentines for each child. They still love "home,"  it's just a different place for them now.

Let them tell you what they expect out of you. I’ve asked Heidi this question a few times, and each time I’ve gotten the same answer—Support us in our decisions. They don’t want and don’t need micromanagement. I think this is the problem with most young adults today. The kids and parents are still too interdependent. Kids need to grow up, make their own decisions and mistakes, and learn on their own. And parents need to butt out.

Enjoy the journey. It is a fun ride when they reach adulthood, when they can successfully navigate the waters of the world alone. It’s hard, don’t get me wrong. I sometimes still wish that I was the center of their world, guiding them to make the decisions I would make, leading them by the hand as I did when they were toddlers. I still wish all my chicks were here under my wing all the time.  And that hurts sometimes.  But I see these wonderful, productive, smart, fun, interesting, independent adults they’re becoming, and I can’t help but smile.


It’s all good. So good.

Are you ready for the link tomorrow? If you missed the prompt, here it is:
If you had your choice, would you want to know the future? Would you want to know that your life will be markedly, frighteningly different than you’ve planned all along? Or would you rather have the change come quickly, like an uncontrolled locomotive, leaving disaster in its wake, with you scrambling to pick up the pieces?

And I apologize for that tiny type on Friday. I had no idea I'd done that, and Tucker was begrudging every minute I spent on the computer at his apartment!