The Required New Year's Resolution Post

  image courtesy of The London Daily Telegraph

I have been stewing and thinking and wondering and pondering for the last few weeks about what my "New Year's Resolution" should be. I see all the things I wish I was:

fit like Brittany

poetic like Sue and Momza

popular like cjane

beloved like Nie

funny like Allyson and Laraine

immaculate like Sarah

creative like Julie

fashionably dressed like Andrea

photographically skilled like Dana

involved at school like Karen

musically exposed like Anna

great cook like Pam
public speaker like Shawni

world traveler like Jen and Paige

. . . and even more.

First, let me say this about myself:
 I am rarely one who dwells on my shortcomings and compares myself to others.  When I see someone excelling at something, I usually think, "I could do that if I put a little time into it."  Usually, I'm right.  I'm not the best at most things, but I am passably good at many things.  Not vanity.  Just trying to be honest.  And to avoid comments that I'm being hard on myself,  I'm not.  I'm pretty realistic. In fact, I think I let myself off too easily most of the time--I frequently let some character flaw annoy me for an hour or a day, then it gets shoved back down in my psyche, hidden below all the laundry in my life.

I want to make a real change this year.  Something tangible.  Something measurable. I want something that will be easy to remember all the time, not a long, involved, highly detailed list of my shortcomings. I know I focus too little on people and too much on projects--my daily to-do list. How do I change who I inherently am and become someone . . . different? Someone better?

I've tried to find a word or catchy phrase to fill this need.  Can't seem to wrap my brain around it. I've made lists and read articles.  Can't seem to put my finger on it.

What is it?  What is it that my soul is screaming out to be?

I want to change the world.


I want to be a person that others look to and say, "She changed my life.  She made me a better person.  She sparked some flame inside me and changed me."

I want to be the mother that warrants eulogies of appreciation.
I want to be the wife that inspires poems of adoration.
I want to be the friend that lifts and changes.
I want to be the person that . . .

Stop.
Sounds like a load of crap.  It's true.  I want to be that person for my family.  For my friends.  For my readers. For people I see at Target.

As far as I can evaluate it, it all comes back to TIME.  How I spend my time.  Where I squander it. Not time in a Wal-Mart watch "What time is it?" kind of way but in a Big Ben, time-on-earth kind of way. I want to invest these precious seconds of my days doing the things that are truly important.  Those things that will make me better: change my very inner self--my soul.

So, after stewing and thinking and wondering and pondering and now prattling away, I still have no real concrete, measurable goal.  But I am allotting myself until Thursday to come up with the solution.

The Resolution.

Stay tuned.