And the Word Is . . .

Nights got worse before they got better. I was up till 1 am working on my class. I went to bed, thinking I would get five hours of sleep before the morning chaos began.
I was wrong.

At 4 am, these two little boys decided to get the flu. Alternating complaints between them, I spent much of the next two hours in the bathroom, finding bowls and creating makeshift beds.
I still had to be out the door by 8:30 to teach at 9, so it was an exhausting day. Blessedly, one of my friends brought over dinner, so I at least got a short nap. And I was in bed at 9. So today's got to be a little better, right?

Amidst all this confusion and sickness, I've still been pondering my word and my goal for 2011.  Today's January seventh, and I feel like I've almost missed the resolution bus this year.  I guess this week's level of insanity should have helped me see where I should be headed and what I should amend--so crazy, buried under a holiday avalanche, always too much to do and not enough time in a day and a night to accomplish it all.

Brad suggested to me that I keep a time journal for a week, to see where I'm actually spending my time.  I faithfully logged every activity, down to time in the shower, for 40 hours.  At 40 hours, I somehow lost the notebook.  That is not like me at all.  Luckily, forty hours was enough to give me a dose of reality--I demand too much of myself.  That's very difficult for me to admit.  Very.  I've always thought I could do it all--at least everything I deemed important.  But I'm realizing that I can't.  I can't squeeze 20 hours' worth of work into 16 hours every day.  It just can't happen.  So what am I supposed to do?

A few of the words I've batted around this week are these--build, enjoy, simplify. 

I really liked build.  It satisfied the overachiever in me--make something better, improve.  I could focus on building better relationships with others, building my family's self-esteem, building my strength, etc.  I thought this one was it for an entire day.  Then I started swimming in my already-brimming life and realized that this one wasn't it, as much as I wanted it to be.

I then progressed to enjoy.  And why I thought this, I don't know.  Although I do feel stressed about my class and all the time it takes, I love teaching.  As many hours a day as it takes to mother my large family, I rarely begrudge those hours folding and cleaning and helping and dressing and changing.  I enjoy my job as mom.  This one wasn't quite right, either.

What about simplify, then?  What can I cut out of my life and not miss?  Or at least not miss for the time being?  I tried cutting out exercise for the last two weeks, cutting out park day, cutting out cooking decent meals.  And those holes were filled with other things, leaving me void of some of the good things in my life.  Either I was simplifying wrong, or this one wasn't right either.

I've finally returned to the word that I thought all along.  I didn't want to use this one, thinking it was too simple and not challenging enough to focus an entire year around.  It was easy.  Most people do this all the time, don't they?  Here's my word for 2011:

BALANCE

Simple enough, right?

It sounds so easy.  But I know this is going to be a challenge for me.  It will necessitate careful time management and evaluation.  I will need to be honest with myself about how much time tasks actually take, and not try squeezing in "just one more thing."  And to start with a clean slate, I must admit that I will be cutting down my time in the blogosphere. 

The best thing about balance is that I don't have to eliminate anything.  I just have to find the right weight distribution to include all the good things in my life.  Will that take effort?  Yes.  Self-discipline?  Yes.

I'm up for the challenge.  Hopefully I'll have a plan of attack together for Monday.  One thing I will say, I don't back down from a challenge. 
Bring it on.