On Mothering

I believe that, as women, we are born with the innate desires to nurture and nest.

I also believe that, as women, we are born with the innate flaws of perfectionism and comparison.

I've been struggling recently with my extremely busy life.  I never feel like I'm "on top of it," and rarely to I think I've accomplished much in a day.  Most of that can be attributed to the shortage of hours in a day and an impossible-to-accomplish-it-all list of chores to be done.  I go to bed each night and tally the unaccomplished.  The moments of neglect. The instanced I fell short.  The times I procrastinated or slept in or avoided or hid.

Most of all, I've felt powerless to change it all.  I had no idea how to reorganize my life.  Me.  A woman who prizes her organizational skills--disorganized.  These feelings have led me to avoid exercise, increase junk food of all species, stay up later than I should and sleep longer than is needful.  It's a spiral, isn't it?  You think that sleeping in will give you more energy, but it just puts you behind for the day.  That handful of candy corn will boost you for the afternoon, but it just yields guilt and further indulgence.  Exercise?  That just takes too much time, yet when completed, it boosts endorphins for an entire day.

The irony of this situation is that life really couldn't be better.  My kids are doing great.  Finances are as good as they could be in this economy.  I'm healthy (although heavier than I wish).  I'm happy.  I just feel like I'm out of control.  And I hate that feeling.

I've been thinking about this a lot, and three recent posts have directed me where I need to head from here.
Pam recently attended a Power of Moms conference in New Hampshire.  One sentence in that post struck me "Mothering is my passion and my profession."  I'm a professional.  A professional with 20 years of experience, to boot (and if you add up all the kids' ages, it actually totals 72 YEARS, plus a few foster kids).  Would any CEO dare lumber through their job every day, hoping that the right tasks would present themselves, no schedule or plan of any kind, aside from naptime from 12:30-3 and dinner at 5:30?  I need to start acting like the pro.  Because I am.  And fitting everything in during a week takes planning to avoid the guilt at the end of the week.

Jen recently posted her thoughts on budgeting.  Not budgeting money, but budgeting time. She said, "I do so much, but I could do so much differently.  Really, the possibilities are endless."  This is true.  We all do so much.  But are we doing the things that really matter--the essentials--or just "things"?

Then today, Paige listed many of the demands placed on her as the mother, whether self-imposed or not.  And she linked to this talk by Julie B. Beck. And this was exactly what I needed to kick-start my reformation.  She said, “Sisters, . . .  there has to be some prioritizing. I was taught years ago that when our priorities are out of order, we lose power. If we need power and influence to carry out our mission, then our priorities have to be straight."

So, instead of bouncing aimlessly and purposely through the latter part of my day (unlike my Costco run this morning), I took most of naptime for a little self-evaluation.  I followed Sister Beck's advice.  I made three lists--the essential, the necessary, and the nice-to-do. 

I followed Jen's advice, and I wrote out a schedule of my time--with plenty of flexibility for my kiddos and their lives--listing first the essential, then the necessary, then the nice-to-do.

Then, I looked at it like a professional, as per Pam's pen.  Is this doable?  Yes. Can I accomplish this? Should be able to. Can I stick to it? Hope so. Will it put me more on top of things? Eventually. And most importantly, will it be best for my family?  We'll have to see.  I just know that I can be better at this mothering thing.

After I've worked out a few of the bugs and tried this system, I'll post the results.  The best thing about this struggle?  I know that Heavenly Father wants me to succeed in my profession.  And with Him in my corner, if I consult with Him, we're unbeatable.