August 2008
Baby A's mom lost custody of her four children--two boys and two girls--August 23, 2008.Baby A's mom couldn't bear the thought of our white family raising and loving her third child.
Baby A's mom loved her kids, in her way. She wanted custody of them. And she tried for almost a year before the state awarded custody of the two oldest to their dad and custody of the two youngest to their grandmother on August 18, 2009.
Baby A's mom disappeared from the system, and Baby A and his sister disappeared onto the Navajo Reservation.
Baby A's mom surrendered her own agency.
Baby A's mom was a drug addict. Of her four children, three were born positive for at least one drug--meth, crack, marijuana.
Baby A's mom was missing for three weeks before someone discovered her body somewhere in the Gila River desert.
Baby A's mom was beaten to death by a gang, according to the coroner's best guess.
Baby A will never know his mom.
Either one of us.
August 2009
Why does the system just seem to get worse?If you are new to my blog, you can read about Baby A and our adventure in the foster care system here, here, and here.
Wow. It takes a certain kind of heart to give yourself to the foster care system. I have a family member who just had to turn over an 18 mos to her mother who lives in a shelter because that's how the "system" works. Bless you for trying!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me cry. Cry for that woman and her choices and the end of her life. Cry for sweet Baby A, how I'd forgotten what a sweet little happy face he had. And cry for you, knowing that he will suffer in his life, instead of knowing the joy that could be his. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm just so sad, and so sorry for all of you. Poor Jell-O. How do we even begin to fix something so broken? Sounds like other topics that have been rumbling around lately.
ReplyDeletethanks for this post. we've wondered a lot about the kids that came through our home. there were a couple of kids we had for more than 2 years, and when their mom's rights were taken away, so were the girls because---due to our light skin, we weren't considered culturally relevant enough to become their permanent family. (even though we'd had them since the youngest was 10 mos old)...sad. i think that's part of why my mom went into her line of psychology work as a victim's advocate on the umatilla indian reservation in oregon. to help these kids & these women have a voice and to see that they can break the cycles. you rock, jen. your family is a family of heroes to many.
ReplyDeleteI was actually just thinking about that precious little boy a few days ago. Sometimes I wondered why your family couldn't just adopt him, but I know that the Lord has a plan for him, it's just sad that he has to go through all of that. Poor Jello.
ReplyDeleteThat's one of the saddest things I've heard in a long time, Jen. After all you guys went through, to have it end like that is pretty devastating.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. And now my daughter is talking about becoming a foster mother. It almost scares me for her.
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That just really stinks! Sad for baby A, for his mom, for you, for the broken system that so many other children are trapped in.
ReplyDeleteI read that and it just makes me want to hide with my family, to protect them from the world. Literally, not a good idea, but, luckily possible if I fortify my home against worldly influences.
Thank goodness for good friends and families all trying to do the same :)
What a sad story. What a shame for that poor little boy. How can anyone make decisions about another person's life so carelessly?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
Dear Jen,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is aching. I didn't know about Baby A until catching up on previous posts. God bless you and your family. What a real, palpable ache in heart & soul you must have. Praying for you & yours!!!
P.S. I posted "Why Indeed?" xoxo
ReplyDeleteSo sad! So many problems with the system, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how, but I missed the post about your son turning 18. Loved your memories...and they were made up of the simple everyday things of life...precious times.
Hae a great day!
:) Jen
Wow Jen! I came here from Vava's and could not stop reading. You have a beautiful family and a very beautiful soul. God bless you. Baby A's story is heart breaking.
ReplyDeletemy sister is currently fostering a little boy. . .I'll have to send her over to read your story. . .I know that at points in her journey we have all asked "why" and yes, the system sure seems whacked!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing something that must still really hurt!
I'm sure that someday Social Services on both sides of the 49th parallel will look at this policy and understand what a big mistake it is, but until then my heart aches for the children who suffer.
ReplyDeleteTwenty-four years ago, after a long wait we were told we were to adopt twin girls, only to have them sent to a remote reserve because of one sixteenth aboriginal blood. I have no doubt as to the lives they lived, but still think about them and pray for them.
crazy. really, the system is crazy. and i hear the stories from foster mother's like you all the time, but no one ever seems to listen and no changes ever seem to be made. i think the whole "what's better for the child" mantra is based on a web of lies and deceit and prejudices...it's never really about the child. it's about grown adults making terrible choices and social agencies trying to make it right through antiquated ways. and the children pay the price...as usual.
ReplyDeleteWhat? Oh, that's terrible! And he's still with his Grandma?
ReplyDeleteOh Jenny. I see that picture of him and I just remember him and Hyrum running around together... I can't imagine growing up not knowing my mom. If he does have to stay with his grandma, then I guess let's pray that she will be alright, and will learn to raise Baby A so things like this don't happen to her family anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sad story- the worst is the would-have-beens. He is a beautiful child and it really stinks that the system takes skin color into consideration and not the amount of love there is. You are truly an amazing person to love- then have him ripped away and then soldier on.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness- i am just stopped in my tracks...jen i came to tell you haow every comment you leave for me makes me laugh...& now i am in tears...how do you do it all?...i have children to drop home and others to bath and then i am coming back to spend time with you...reading back over the *bits* of your puzzle i so want to understand...
ReplyDeletei wish i had you to explain the *bits* to me in person- as i feel i will have soo many questions...hope you son't mind helping me understand...
melissa x
One more tragedy for little Baby A. So sad to hear. No fun for the Denton family.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't even go to the links because it makes me so sad, as there are so many stories like this out there. I have a drug addicted cousin who fathered a child who lives with his Alcoholic mother. My aunt just walks on pins and needles trying not to rock the boat as she gets her grandson every second weekend. She knows this is tenuous and just hopes she will always be allowed. The teachers, the social worker, our family know he needs so much more, but hands are tied. It is so terribly sad how he is growing up. Thank you for trying to make a difference.
ReplyDeleteDana
What more does that poor little one have to deal with? I'm so sorry that you have to deal with it, too. What a loving family you were to him and I know you still are in your hearts. Wish we could do something...
ReplyDeleteThat is such a sad sad story.
ReplyDeleteI think it takes great courage to be a part of the Foster child system. It is hard on the heart.
God Bless.
Oh Jen. This post just breaks my heart. I'm so sorry!
ReplyDeleteTragic. The things I'm learning about you - you're quite a woman! You did your best, and for that, in a better world than this, Angelo will thank you. The system is a mess, and it seems no one has any common sense anymore. And they definitely don't put the children first. My hat's off to you, lady. I'm completely in awe.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about Baby A being sent away. After reading your past posts about it, well honestly it's very hard to read because we're about to become foster parents. Stealing myself for this type of thing.
ReplyDeleteI have a question, and I ask it out of curiosity, not to dig or hurt. Did anyone tell you about the policies concerning Native American foster children when you took in Baby A?
Regardless of your answer you did the right thing. He needed a safe loving family and you provided it. What you did will make a difference in his life, even if he can't remember specifics.
that makes me sad to think she couldn't overcome her addictions for those beautiful children of hers!
ReplyDelete(off to catch up on your story)
yes the system is a mess. but you are just a wonderful woman & good will come out of your loving this little guy. we finally had a good outcome of a case here. a little girl was kidnapped by her mom & boyfriend & taken to CA. in the end, the maternal grandma was NOT given custody.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that it went this way for Jell-o. xoxoxoxo to you & your family
I went and read all of your posts about Baby A. Heartbreaking. You are so right, the system is broken. It seems the rights of an unfit parent are worth more than a childs right to be in a safe and loving home. Illogical.
ReplyDeleteThat is heartbreaking all around.
ReplyDelete