I Learned Mothering from Them--Part Two

She may kill me for this one.

Diana Rose Olsen Tucker

I had to post both pictures because, although one is the cutest of Mom, the rest of us look dorky. In my belly's defense, Hyrum was only three months old when this was taken.

I was completely oblivious to the fact that most women detest Mother's Day until one year when I was asked to give the traditional Mother's Day talk at Church. When I called Mom, she bitterly spat, "I HATE Mother's Day. Those talks always make me feel so guilty. You're not going to give one of THOSE talks, are you?" I had been a mother for at least six years by this time, and I'd never heard these sentiments expressed. Now I know that Mom is not alone in her loathing.

I could write many entries dedicated to my Mom. So I thought I'd narrow it down to an area of motherhood that I'm entering--parenting grown children and in-laws--an area in which she excels.

From the moment I surprised my parents with the news that I was getting married, Mom has accepted and loved Brad. I remember the first time I brought Brad home to Idaho--three weeks after we were engaged. We had borrowed his mom's beat-up Dodge van, and it had mutinied at the top of Sweetzer Summit, refusing to run for more than 15 minutes at a time. This was 1989, way before cell phones of any kind, so arriving at 1 am was alarming. But they were so gracious and even stayed up for an hour talking with us. (If you know my folks, they NEVER stay up late.)

She told me once that her philosophy is this: "I know my kids love me. I need to make the in-laws love me." She has come to stay with us each time a baby is born, and every time, without fail, the first words out of her mouth (after hugging and loving her grandkids) are: "What do you want me to make while I'm here?" She's famous for the world's biggest Rice Krispie treat, a 17-layer cake (no joke!), homemade caramels, Oreo ice cream, and cinnamon bread ring. She sews, mends, and fixes. And can that woman quilt! Quilts for babies, for kids, for weddings.

And that's just the superficial stuff. My pregnancy with Micah was scary--I was flat on my back, only allowed out of bed to use the bathroom and shower every other day. Mom came and lived with us for an entire month, being Mom to my four small kids. I'm sure it got long and hard and noisy and annoying, but I never once heard her complain. And, more importantly, I never once heard Brad complain. Having her live with us was such a joy and blessing that I look back on that time as one of the greatest memories I have with her.

She has an inherent ability to know where the line is between wanted and unwanted advice. She knows when to correct grandkids and when to step back and let parents intervene. She lives what she believes, and what she believes in is God and family. She's mastered loving her kids' spouses like her own kids. I've always wanted to know this secret. Now I need to know it.

But the underlying quality that makes her my mom is her desire, above everything else, to serve her family, whether she feels well or not. Often she's ill or aching with arthritis, but you'd never know it. She works from the time she wakes until she tucks herself in with a dozen specially made pillows and a noise machine at night.

The greatest compliment I've ever heard anyone pay Mom is this: "You mom is truly kind. And kind is different from nice."

I've been told my entire life how much I'm like my dad. But when I grow up, I really want to be like my mom.

I've got a long way to go. Lucky for me, I've got such a great model.

Love you, Mom.


This week I'm writing about women in my life who have helped shape me into who I am today. On Friday, I invite you to join me in a little Mother's Day writing challenge. It seems that most women detest Mother's Day because of the guilt it conjures. We are all too hard on ourselves as women. We have faults, but we also have strengths. So:
What is one weakness you have when it comes to mothering (only one)? And now that you've identified it, how are you going to improve?
What is one of your strengths? Feel free to brag yourself up, either seriously or with humor.
On Friday, I will attempt a link post (we'll see if I'm that technically adept or not), so all can be edified thereby. Think about it. You have time. I look forward to Friday