I reluctantly admit that I am struggling a bit with the baby blues.
Still have 25 pounds to lose.
Still not getting very much sleep.
Still can't fit into any normal clothes.
And my utopia of just a few weeks ago has disappeared.
Kids fighting.
Kids whining.
Kids yelling.
Kids crying.
Kids just lazing about.
It's a combination that ignites the worst in my soul.
And why, I ask you?
Because, in reality, life is more like this:
Already shed 20 pounds. (Don't add that up. This is supposed to be the positive list :) )
Baby only wakes for 15-30 minutes at a time. And she is so beautiful!
My old "fat" jeans fit. (only for a few hours before they start restricting digestion--positive, now!)
And with Mom off her game, how can the kids not be? Micah, after all, who is the perpetrator of most of the whining and crying, does have a broken leg and can't do much for himself. Lily is in a bit of a stage, but I'm sure it's just a stage. Hyrum is adjusting to all the attention given a baby and a cripple. And my big boys are still generally quite helpful, when I have the energy to direct them. And Heidi? She will be home in 11 days!
So, let me share a small happy note from my day yesterday, to remind me that life isn't as dreary as it feels:
I left Baby home with Brad's mom so that I could attend Church. In Relief Society, we sang, You Can Make the Pathway Bright. The singsong chorus was really grating on my dismal attitude--sending a shining ray and everything. Come on. Who really feels like that? The second verse started, "You can speak a gentle word to the heart with anger stirred, if there's sunshine in your heart; Though it seems a little thing, it will heaven's blessings bring, if there's sunshine in your heart today." With a heavy heart, I noticed a sister in Relief Society that hadn't been there in a while. One whose heart I know has been stirred with anger towards me recently. And the thought came to me that I really should say something to her and not let the moment pass. Really? Come on! My heart was full of grey clouds, not sunshine. In fact, those clouds even lost a few raindrops earlier in the meeting schedule. But I knew this song had been for me, so I steeled myself for the rest of the lesson, preparing to say something gentle to this sister.
My heart has been so heavy with a few worries, true. And I was unprepared for how the closing song would also strike me: "Why should this anxious load press down your weary mind? Haste to your Heavenly Father's throne and sweet refreshment find." (How Gentle God's Commands, hymn #125) What could describe me better than "weary-minded"? I shed a few more tears, and it took me a moment to compose myself enough to complete the dreaded task ahead of me. But complete it I did. And I didn't die from the effort, either. Did I soothe her angry heart? Probably not. But I did follow the promptings of the Spirit, and it brought heaven's blessings to me in the form of comfort.
Epiphany #102--Heavenly Father is aware of us. Even when our needs are small or dumb or even mostly imaginary.
How thankful I am for the hymns and the amazing way they can touch our souls, The way the Brethren constantly quote them, we know they should mean something to us, too. I know you always try to listen to the Spirit and hymns are a great way to hear His voice. You really do have a super family and things will get back to some semblance of order someday, but I am afraid it won't be until after the holidays. Hang in there and wow! you've lost 25 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks! That is tremendous. Kiss all the sweeties (big and little) for me.
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I want to loose 25 pounds in 3 weeks or maybe 4 or 5 weeks. I want to be out of my fat jeans because I'm fat (I still try and blame that on the twins but they are getting a little old for that excuse.)The baby blues stink. no way around them. Mine got worse with each baby. For those that have never experienced them, well lucky them. for the rest of us, we feel your tears.
ReplyDeleteSorry you're having some blues, that really sucks. But I have to say, I'm rather impressed with your ability to follow thru on those hard promptings. Good for you, that is a tough thing to do. And finally, I love and adore you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
ReplyDeleteGo, Jen! Good job on the rising above.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I've been there where I'm sitting in church listening to a song that grates on me because my mood can't quite match it.
Most of the time, though, the hymns do me a great deal of good, and I really like "How Gentle God's Commands"...
Good news: Heidi is almost there!
Additional good news: Your hormones will soon return to some semblance of normal.
Until then, I'm praying for your escape from the doldrums AND sending hugs.
=)
I wish I only had 25 pounds to lose. You go, girl.
ReplyDeleteThose quiet, painful promptings are so hard to follow, aren't they? Good job! And whether or not it changed anything for her you may never know, but you are better for having followed the spirit, especially with a big, hard to swallow prompting! Glad you enjoyed RS on Sunday, I was happy to see you got a chance to come. Hope you are finding your way through the blues, they can be so tough! Thankfully we can all pray for you, and I hope you know we are. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking you look great! It's only been 2 weeks! I know you are gentle when gentle is called for and I cannot imagine anyone upset with you!
ReplyDeleteCall you later!
You know...someone I was feeling negatively toward did that with me the other day...and it did make a difference... I don't feel negatively about her anymore... Sometimes it IS that easy. Here's to hoping it had the same effect for you!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you with love, admiration, and hope for restful days ahead!!
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