Ode to the First Day of School

When Tucker came home yesterday, he shared a tidbit from his day:
He knew he'd accidentally been placed in the interscholastic athletics class instead of basic weight training. He knew that he'd have to address that mistake and try to get his schedule changed. What he didn't know was that the change wouldn't come through yesterday. So he had to sit through an entire hour of football studs and cheerleaders--not his normal crowd, to be sure.
As it so happens, he utilized his time well by composing the following poem, which made his parents chortle with glee.
He wanted me to include a disclaimer: the form isn't the greatest, and some of it seems a little awkward, but remember, it was never meant for publication, just to entertain the girl sitting next to him who was also in the same predicament!

Why I Should NOT be in Football

By Tucker Denton

Sports are a thing that many enjoy--
They frolic and kick the ball with great joy.
They drink protein and eat lots of soy,
But my muscles just don't wanna employ
The proper co'rdination to make me not fall
Flat on my face as I lunge for that ball--
The ever-elusive ball that runs free
Away from my grasp--and away from me.

So I'll lay on the ground in my dismal state,
Mourning alone my sad football fate.
For football just simply isn't my thing--
I think I'll give the soccer coach a ring.
(The problem is--I don't play soccer at all.)
Someone please rescue me! I am appalled
At the scary big guys that play on this team
And could easily beat me into a side of cream.

So I'll run away, like a scared little girl--
Away from those Titans that shake the whole world.
I can't believe they're only eighteen!
They're big as some Yetis and could drink the whole sea,
And after that could go DAYS without peein'.

The athlete's body is truly a marvel--
His muscles so chiseled; his skin is like caramel.
But it really disturbs me the way that they've toyed
With dangerous things--such as steroids.

post-script: Ben, on the other hand, is a football fool. He was so determined to make it through practice yesterday that he drank literally 1.5 gallons of water through the course of the day, and he promised everyone he saw that the only way he was leaving was on a stretcher! I stayed around for the warm-ups, just to make sure. But he was his fine, studly self! Now we're just waiting to see what position he ends up with. Missing two days of practice may have penalized him some . . . Ah, the corner of the world that is football.