Explanation and Perspective

After my last two fairly strange posts, I think it's time for a little explanation.
Yes, I really did pee on that stick. From that test, it looks like I'm more pregnant than not!

First of all, when I discovered I was pregnant and first told Brad, we decided that it would be hilarious to disclose it on April Fools' Day. Because who would believe us? So we waited a month, telling no one but CPS (who came and got Baby C at our request).
Wednesday morning, Tucker tried to pull a "I-wrecked-the-car-on-the-way-home-from piano" joke, but I'd been in the zone for a month, so there was no tricking me. When all the kids were seated for scriptures, I nonchalantly mentioned that I had a great April Fool's. Tell everybody your mom is pregnant. They all scoffed and rolled their eyes. "No one would believe that one." "That's why it's such a good joke. It's really true." They all stopped for a second, then Tucker piped up, "No way. That's not possible. I thought you were menopausal." How many 16-year-old boys can actually use that word correctly? That was probably the funniest reaction we got all day.
Slowly, people would call me and ask if it were true or a joke. And I always told the truth. I could tell those who thought it was a complete joke, because I didn't hear from them at all, no reaction, no comment. Including my mom and one of my sisters. The other was slightly suspicious.
So, there was my big April Fools' Day prank. Bigger than the year that we woke the kids up to the fire alarm and whisked them out of the house yelling, "Fire!"

Some of you may not realize what a life change this really will be for me and my family. Let me explain.

When I lost my baby in 2002, the doctors diagnosed me with an incompetent cervix--where it dilates way before its time. So, with my last two pregnancies, I have had a cerclage and have been placed on bedrest for extended periods of time. With Micah, I was in bed from 10 weeks until he removed the stitches at 36 weeks. When I say in bed, I mean only up to use the bathroom and to shower every three days. This pregnancy included one week in the hospital for false labor and other issues.
With Hyrum, I had different problems, but I wasn't down as much. From 11 weeks to about 15 weeks, I was down on and off, but I had a lot more freedom. That felt like a prison reprieve.
So when I found out I was pregnant, I took the news with no small amount of caution. This isn't just wait until November and poof, there's a baby. This is a life-altering, lifestyle-changing event that affects my entire family. No mom to drive, shop, wash, clean, attend school functions or even Church. It's hard on everyone.
On Wednesday, Dr. diagnosed me with a uterine polyp as long as a pencil, hanging out of my cervix, and I'm already dilated to a one. Not really the news I was hoping for. But nothing really new, either. He decided to wait and address it when he does the cerclage between 12-13 weeks (end of April, beginning of May). So, hopefully I can stay up for another week or two before getting banished to the bed, as long as I'm not bleeding or dilating any further.
He asked me a few questions, and I told him I didn't really think this was probable. Possible, I guess. But not probable. Lily, Micah and Hyrum were all Clomid babies after all. Then he said, "Just think. In all of eternity, you only have this small window to devote to having children." Right there he put the entire situation in perspective. I shouldn't have been surprised really. When I was in the hospital with Micah, he put my name in the temple. When we named him Micah, he quoted me his favorite scripture from that book--Micah 6:8. When Hyrum was born on March 28th, he said, "Hm, whose birthday is it today? Spencer W. Kimball's!" And that's how we got Hyrum Kimball. You just can't pay for care like that.

With all of this, plus my Church calling, plus Heidi graduating from high school and moving on to BYU-I, I know I'm going to miss some important things--the pioneer trek, girls' camp, maybe even teaching EFY and helping Heidi set up shop in ID.
But I'm mentally getting to the place I need to be to make it through the next few weeks.

Epiphany #62--Perspective makes all the difference.

So, if you ever want to stop by, bring me fruit (not allowed sugar! so back to my resolution!), watch a movie or TiVo, or drop me a comment on the blog, I'll be around. Wish me luck.